tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-161039890401372446.post3567212145192201228..comments2010-06-24T11:45:14.512+01:00Comments on Mirrors In The House: relapsemaddiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17164094343714816169noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-161039890401372446.post-73809466329177818622009-05-16T21:05:00.000+01:002009-05-16T21:05:00.000+01:00Elizabeth Twist - yes indeed. My mother was the pr...<B>Elizabeth Twist</B> - yes indeed. My mother was the primary installer of all my fat-hate buttons, and apparently even when the conflict isn't over my body, she's still able to trigger it again. But the good news is that things have stabilised again, and now that I'm not in her face any more, I'm feeling better in myself again. It's obviously going to remain a learning curve, at least until I'm around her more again and actually have the chance to become accustomed to her again (this is both an advantage and disadvantage of living so far away).<br /><br /><B>justjuliebean</B> - I'm so sorry that your mother is so crappy. My mother was never that bad - she's a good, kind, loving woman - but there are just fundamental things about us which are incompatible, and unfortunately that's very much tied up with my eating problems. But at some point, we have to deal with the fact that other people aren't going to change, and that the only changes we can make are in ourselves. In the end, my mother will go on being annoyingly oversensitive and expecting that her family will always defer to her feelings till the day she dies. The only thing I can do is find a neutral zone for myself so that there isn't conflict between us (which pisses me off), and detach from the feelings she inspires in me.<br /><br /><B>SharonC</B> - I think you're right, actually, now that I've had some time and space to get over it. Everything settled down again fairly quickly, and at least now I'm aware that power struggles with my mother are the one thing that can trigger me still (given that depression, anxiety, intense work stress, ill health and existential angst have failed to do so in the last six months). Just means I've got to be prepared and defended when I talk to her.maddiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17164094343714816169noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-161039890401372446.post-74022843247061513862009-04-05T13:27:00.000+01:002009-04-05T13:27:00.000+01:00In a way, I see this as a positive thing - you've ...In a way, I see this as a positive thing - you've learnt more about what triggers particular food behaviours.SharonCnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-161039890401372446.post-54505981506667560092009-04-03T16:11:00.000+01:002009-04-03T16:11:00.000+01:00This makes me feel bad just to read this. I think...This makes me feel bad just to read this. I think my mom is a good person, I think she cares and loves me. I think she was a crappy mom. I don't have the stomach to go into anything about her this morning, but I am absolutely not able to hold my temper around her. It almost seems as if I deliberately hurt her feelings, which bothers me, but the way I see it, she f*&ked me up, and has not improved any. My dad no longer allows her to crawl up my a#@ about everything I eat, but she still tries. <BR/><BR/>Anyway, she no longer inspires neurotic eating behavior in me, unless it's directly in front of her, to annoy her and dare her to start with me. I don't know if I'm allowed to mention this here, but I'm now almost thinner than her, which takes away her ammo. OK, not such a healthy relationship here. <BR/><BR/>All parents screw up their kids to some degree. All we can hope and work towards is to try and do better with our own, if we have them.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-161039890401372446.post-59228452192856111742009-04-03T05:40:00.000+01:002009-04-03T05:40:00.000+01:00Oh my my, do I ever sympathize with your situation...Oh my my, do I ever sympathize with your situation! I've got similar issues with my mom. I love her - of course I do, she's my mom (and, uh, do I have a choice? really?). And that relationship is unlike any other and special and in some ways very important and dear to me. But she can really, really dig into my sore spots. And punch my buttons like no one else. Partly because she's the one who installed those buttons. <BR/><BR/>I wish I had pearls of wisdom to share, but I think you've basically said everything I would say in your final paragraph. It's about space, right? I guess what I'm working on in my situation is just reminding myself (over and over) that even though I can't make Mom realize that she's behaving in ways that are unfair or unpleasant or button pushing, I can keep my cool and continue to behave according to my rules and my preferences. That means sometimes not reacting to her in the ways she conditioned me to. (Not playing into the negative dynamics, whatever that means at the time.) <BR/><BR/>It's so, so tricky, though. All best to you in this. Seriously, I'm pulling for you.Elizabeth Twisthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03133959633383307056noreply@blogger.com